Today's Post: A Reflection on Turning 36
Continuing to do inner work, navigating life's changes with rugged flexibility, and to presence for the next year
Day 18 of writing daily. (I think I said I wouldn’t publish, or put pressure on myself to do so, but I felt like it).
My wife asked me a great question yesterday and it felt worth sharing.
But first, if you do the math, you’ll know I was born in 1988.
1988 was an auspicious year as someone of Chinese heritage.
It’s the year of the dragon. 🐉 龙 (simplified Mandarin) or 龍 (traditional Mandarin), pronounced lóng
It contains two 8’s, which is considered a very lucky number. Not only that, I was also born in August (month 8). Shoutout to my virgos too.
2024 is also an auspicious year as every 12 year cycle, your zodiac sign returns. So it is once again the year of the dragon, which should be an important year for me. If it’s any indication, buying my first home (I talk about it more below) certainly seems to make that!
Anyhow, below you’ll find what I’m reflecting on and grateful for from my 35th year as I embark on my 36th.
1) Letting Go, To Make Space
I was recently listening to a few poignant songs1 and I realized I had not yet mourned the loss of pre-fatherhood David.
It reminds me I’ve grown so much in learning how to recognize when gravitating toward certain music, it means there’s some emotional needs that I need to make space for and to sit with.
So I did, processed, in order to make full space for current, in the thick of it, David as a father. And it’s helped me a tremendous amount.
2) Leaning Into New Priorities
I’ve had to reconfigure my priorities and identities in parallel, and I’m glad that all my inner work has helped me do so (letting go, therapy, ongoing processes of reflecting daily on gratitudes, learnings, frustrations and intentions which we’ve reinstituted).
I’m not perfect, that’s ok, I have definitely and will continue to fuck up, but I will also still be David, be ok, as long as I acknowledge, take accountability, provide grace toward myself and try to always lean into being a better version of myself.
In addition to being a better version of myself, and a strong partner, I’ve had to shift my priorities toward:
the biggest priority is my son, and being present to help him grow into a flourishing, thriving human
and navigating my relationship with my wife and figuring out together what our hopes and dreams are for him, how we parent, and how we manage a household of three
and finding joy and presence also in spending time with my son (my wife sneaky caught a video of bath time with him last night which was really beautiful, and because I had no idea it was being filmed was a true, 100% candid portrait of me at my best and most joyful with him in what is just a daily mundane routine/ritual)
work needs to be meaningful but financially sustainable and viable —> because an equally important element now is to enable me to provide (and man is everything more expensive coming back from South Africa to the US: healthcare, childcare, cost of living)
🏡 we bought a home (our first!), and moved in over the last few months, and I think we’ve found our groove here2
at first I was hesitant and felt like it was a decision I made for us rather than for me, people would say congratulations, but I wasn’t sure I really felt that excited about it (more responsibility, more money, etc.)
but I’m increasingly coming to deeply appreciate the stability and what this provides for our family, and for me terms of the emotional floor of where we’re at, and building roots after being a wanderer the last 14 years (post graduation, NYC —> South Africa —> back to the US)
My wife and I agree, as our son has gotten older, started walking, speaking, and we’re seeing his personality emerge, the most joyful moments are whenever he finds something funny and does his belly laugh. His laughter is soul filling and the most joyful thing in the world to me and to us right now!
We’re of course biased since we’re parents, but most anyone who has seen or interacted with him agree: he’s one of the most beautiful little humans on the planet (and yes, many friends told us they were eagerly anticipating what he would look like, because of the respective cultural and ethnic backgrounds of my wife and I).
3) I’ve Continued to Find Flow and Momentum in Work
That centers around my ikigai, work that’s
financially sustainable
flexible
what I love doing
and calls into my zone of genius that I’m (hopefully increasingly world-class) at
I haven’t quite defined that offering, the value proposition, etc. but it’s related to navigating 0 → 1 of new products, businesses, initiatives and organizations.
Productization
x
GTMI bring business insight to nonprofits, and also impact + navigating ambiguity and tough transitions toward for profits.
I’m not a fractional expert. If you want someone to implement a playbook to drive revenue, growth, marketing, sales, etc. there are lots of folks more experienced than me that have done that from Seed to Series D and beyond
I operate best when there’s no playbook, and we’re building the plane as we fly it (whether inside an existing org which requires also change management or a startup or a venture studio).
And at least right this moment, I’m in flow state with the projects and clients I’ve taken on. (that changes week to week and month to month though, of course the challenge with being a solo consultant is pipeline/business development —> but grateful for my time at Leanlab that allowed me to grow significantly into this area)
And writing (daily) is a way to hone my ideas, test what resonates, be able to scale/share my expertise more widely, and serves as a daily push to a) ship and b) work on the business (not just inside it). I’m hoping to get to 100 posts (which should take me through the end of the year) and I’ll reflect and adjust on whether to ⏯️ proceed/continue, ↩️ pivot or ⏸️ pause.
4) Rugged Flexibility
All of the above links to this podcast (and edited transcript) I listened to about a year ago, in which author Brad Stulberg discusses this concept of rugged flexibility.
Rugged is about where you draw a line in the stand, what remains firm, like your principles, values, etc.
Flexibility is about adapting, staying present and responsive to what’s happening in the moment.
Parenthood has certainly been a crash course in evolving further aligned with this concept. Where you set boundaries and hold to them with your child, your partner, and (most of all) with yourself. And where you have to be flexible.
To celebrate Presence:
5) Next Year’s Theme: Presence
This has been the most important concept of the last year.
The next year and spin around the sun, my word is presence.
I’m just doing what I want, what feels in flow? Want to work? Check. Want to write? check. Want to play music, check.
But most importantly, I’ve carved time and the day off to go watch Didi, 弟弟, a coming of age story written and directed by a Taiwanese American director, Sean Wang. It’s his full-length directorial debut, it’s gotten some awards buzz, which is amazing for him and the validation, but to me the most important thing is:
it captures on screen something that all of us of a certain generation went through (as the internet became dominant/pervasive)
but especially, the Chinese/Taiwanese and Asian American experience is reflected, MY experience feels encapsulated and resonant — I’ve already felt all the feels while watching the trailer, and also a behind the scenes3
big shoutout to the Ringer, one of the few things I read/check consistently that keeps me plugged into the culture (besides whatever my YouTube algorithm serves up and following the NBA)
More soon - I was talking with another founder about cofounder dating and my current framework/priorities and some tools I’ve used (and am actively using to test a cofounder relationship and building with someone). I think I’ll share this tomorrow!
And if more thoughts emerge on product x Duolingo x AI, I’ll share those (have a couple thoughts in my head, but we’ll see if those coalesce into something).
An acoustic rendition with fans/volunteer backup singers of Jacob Collier’s Little Blue; sad but absolutely gorgeous with Jacob’s improved storytelling to go with his insane ear and musical/composition/harmonization genius).
A wedding-version (but really sad) of Dragonball GT’s opening theme, 🪦 RIP Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragonball who passed this year.
The original story and character were inspired by Monkey King 孙悟空 Sunwukong (Son Goku’s name is actually the Japanese pronunciation of sunwukong).
In parallel, this year, a Chinese game studio released what appears to be a God-of-War/All Souls like game Black Myth Wukong which looks incredible — it’s cool to see Chinese game developers and mythology/folklore getting global recognition! (well actually, Genshin Impact probably has already gone a long way toward putting Chinese game developers on the global map!)
After the craze of the process, handling the money, and of course having the water heater busting and need replacement within 2 weeks after moving in —> baptism by fire afer all!
The absolute gut punch moments in the trailer so far:
when the protagonist yells at his mom that he’s sorry he’s not just bragging rights to your friends
The protagonist asks his mom if she’s ashamed of him.
The behind-the-scenes has a beautiful moment where they interview Sean’s actual mom about receiving the script and what she thought. And at first, she said she wasn’t sure. But after reading it and being part of filming, she knows she did a good job as a mom because Sean is a real and good human. If my mom were here today, I know she’d say the same thing about me.